lessons expanded

ok so what lessons am I learning????

...... to listen to God's voice in everything. It's a whole new journey in not self discipline but divine discipline. I want to lose weight but struggle with food, so God has encouraged me to listen to Him, "is this good for my body, do I need this", I have been really challenged that our finances belong to God and to follow His direction before spending money, we've always been quite generous with our money and with gifts, but I sense God calling us deeper into the gift of giving and he needs our finances in order if we are going to be able to do that. To stop and seek God before eating and spending may sound simple but for me it's been huge and is very much a journey that I'm not always getting right.

I am also learning to follow God's promptings. There have been a couple of times lately I've had a nagging feeling to call someone or talk to someone about something and have realised later it was God wanting to use me to bless that person and if I don't pay attention then I miss out on a chance to bless someone!! Part of this lesson is boldness, to not be afraid what people think or of looking foolish, but to be obedient. One such time was stepping out and asking someone that I kept running into for their phone number to keep in touch, I wasn't sure if that would come across as way too forward when I barely knew this person, but after too many 'coincidence' meetings I knew it was a God thing and am looking forward to the friendship developing (yes she gave me her number and we're getting to know each other!).

I'm also learning to embrace life as a mum and to really rely on God during each moment. To be hoonest I am struggling with the juggling act of 3 kids. I feel guilty that none of them get the time from me I'd like to give them because it feels like I just revolve between them all and also the house stuff. I consider it a major achievement at the moment if the clothes get washed and dinner is cooked and for me that takes a lot of 'learning to live in grace' as I have come from the position in the past of being a very big perfectionist and at the moment I am flat out just getting the basics done. I am tired and feeling quite overwhelmed that I rarely get 5 mins to myself and I find myself resenting my husband sometimes because he gets to leave the house without kids and get scheduled meal breaks and I find it really bugs me when I'm feeding Elora during the night while he is snoring beside me, it feels so unfair. And yet this is my calling as a mum and I'm so enjoying being able to breastfeed, even if it means less freedom. God is teaching me to be less selfish and I never realised how painful self sacrifce can be, I wanna learn to be gracious and not try and make a martyr out of myself!!

So that's a snapshot of my current life lessons. I feel this is a real season of letting go of myself and learning to fully immerse in God!!! It has timed in well with starting at a new church as well (we tried a large one for a while but are now at a smaller local version of that big church and we're really enjoying it) where I am also enjoying some very challenging teaching lately and learning to be bold to meet new people. Learning to immerse in God without lots of 'quiet time' is a challenge all in itself, I'm playing worship music, praying while doing daily things, and just being in God's presence in the midst of busyness, plus snatching the quieter times when I can, I am drawing closer to God in a whole new way of needing Him to get through each day!!!

Lessons....

I am learning a lot at the moment!! It seems God has a lot to teach me in this season, about obedience, about stepping out in faith, about self sacrifice. I need to be faithful in the 'small' things He asks of me and learning to do this is a journey..... will blog more when I have time to explain more of what God's been showing me :-)

Life in our house...

Since I started blogging I've never gone this long without posting, but I am finding myself very busy!!! Looking after 2 bubbas keeps my days (and nights) very full, not to mention dealing with the pre-teen attitude of mr almost 11. So how are things going?

Jaden seems to be going well back at school, he is enjoying it and I am grateful for the fact that I don't have to find the energy to do schoolwork with him during the day. He recently did the naplan tests and I am interested to see how he went as I am concerned that his maths has gone downhill since he did the year 3 tests. I am excited too that he actually wrote something in the writing test which is an improvement on last time when he didn't write a single word! Jaden is also very excited to be going on a camp to Canberra next week for 2 nights (he is most looking forward to stopping at Mcdonalds and doing laser zone, I think he may have missed the actual point of the trip LOL).

Elora is going really well. Her weight dropped too much during the first few days as I was struggling with very little milk and being early she was struggling with sucking which also didn't help the milk supply. I am very pleased though that I now have plenty of milk (thanks to some medication which would've been very helpful with my milk supply issues the last 2 times but no-one ever told me about it, my hormones aren't quite right for lactating) and she is growing and gaining weight!! She is still yellow and the peadiatrician sent her for a blood test today but apart from that she is going well and so far is the most settled of the bubbas I've had.

Bethany is struggling a bit. She tries to climb on my lap while I'm feeding Elora and is a lot whingier than is normal for her. I am doing my best to spend as much time as I can with her but it's hard. The first couple of weeks were especially hard. I missed her so much when I was in hospital and she was miserable cause she didn't understand where mummy went. Then when I got home I couldn't pick her up or do very much to start with, my wound got infected and was quite painful but of course a 1 year old doesn't understand any of that and I was very emotional wanting things to get back to normal with my big girl. Things are going a bit better now, although teaching her to be gentle with Elora is proving interesting, the poor bubba has been poked and whacked a few times.

My hubby had 3 weeks off and he has been such an amazing help and support, parenting and running the house has really turned into a team effort. I've also been really blessed with a freezer full of meals from various people which have been a Godsend. We also bought a slow cooker on the weekend to help make things a bit smoother in the afternoons once the frozen meals run out!

So how am I doing? I am tired but actually doing really well. I am coping far better than I expected and am actually doing much better emotionally than I was after Bethany was born. I am busy but very content and I am so excited that I am sucessfully breastfeeding for the first time. I have even managed to go to the shops on my own once for about 2 hours with the girls and I thought it would be weeks before I would be brave enough to do that. So that's life in our house right now :-)

Surprise!!!

This is my little surprise package!! Elora Rachel, born 3.20am on Monday 26th April, 4 weeks early!! She gave us quite a surprise. My other 2 children were both late so I assumed the same this time round, wont be assuming anything anymore, I was caught very unprepared!!

My waters broke in bed late Sunday night. I thought I was wetting myself and got up but it just kept coming and it took a little while to sink in that it was actually my waters breaking cause it was 4 weeks early! We had to get Brett's parents to come and mind the kids because my mother, who we had organised for that job, was up in Lithgow and we couldn't get hold of her.

We got to the hospital and while they were doing a heart trace on the baby the midwife was feeling the baby's position and looking worried. She came back with a doctor and an ultrasound machine and told us the baby was sideways and I would have to have a cesarian. At first I was quite upset, but I just wanted my bubba to be safe, and skipping labour sounded like a good plan LOL. I had an epidural so we saw Elora when she came out and then Brett went with her while they finished operating on me.

She was taken to the neonatal intensive care because of rapid breathing and low blood sugar, but was a very healthy weight of 7 pound 10 ( more than Bethy who was a week late!) and was otherwise great!! She was down there for a couple of days which was really hard, especially in trying to establish breastfeeding, but she finally got the all clear and after a night on the ward with me we were able to come home yesterday.

The kids both adore her, although Bethy has not quite got the hang of what gentle means yet. I am quite sore which is making it hard with Bethy, but thankfully Brett is home for another couple of weeks to help with my big bubba cause I can't pick her up.

Elora is just so beautiful, you forget how tiny newborns are, I could snuggle with her all day. She looks a lot like Brett and so far is very chiiled out like him too. Will post more later, you can just admire my gorgeous bubba for now :-)

Watoto baby shower

I have long been a person who is passionate about poverty and injustice and those who know me in person will know that I have previously organised fundraising events for a school in a slum in Kenya and for a trip to Uganda that my mother and some others went on a couple of years ago to do trauma work with former child soldiers. Well I am a woman on a mission again!!!!

In the past week I have read 2 books about Africa. One was "Frida" about a woman who survived the genocide in Rwanda after watching her whole family murdered in front of eyes, and one called "girl soldier" about Grace Akollo who was abducted and forced to be a soldier in Uganda but eventually escaped. I have another book beside my bed that's next to read called "warrior princess" about an Aids orphan in Zambia. I knew they would all be hard reading but they jumped out at me last time I was at Koorong and I felt really challenged to pick them up.

So after all this reading that left me very emotional I have been pondering my role in the world. The plans I always had for myself included finishing my degree (originally teaching, but then community development which I may still get to finish once my kids aren't quite so small), and I was going to then use this piece of paper as a way to help people in the poorest places overseas. This plan has never eventuated and I've spent the last couple of days feeling a bit lost in my sense of purpose as I'm turning 35 in a few days and was feeling like I was getting old without achieving anything that I'd wanted to do in life. God has since kicked me up the butt (with the help of some friends as well) and reminded me that His plans may look different to mine, but His plans are perfect and whether I ever end up travelling to Africa or not He has placed it on my heart for a reason and I can show His love in many, many ways I would never have thought of.

So I am excited about organising a 'watoto baby shower'. I need absolutely nothing for this baby that's due in 6 weeks (unless they were wrong about it being a girl, in which case non pink clothes might be a good idea). We have all the clothes we used for Bethany, the bath, bouncer, change table etc, and we have bought the things we did need which were a bassinet, another car seat and a pram that fits 2 bubbas in it. So rather than anyone buying a gift for our bubba when it's born I have a list of what they need for 2 new oprhanges opening in Uganda and am asking people to buy something from that list for babies who have nothing instead. This is being organised by my new church (who are big enough to organise a shipping container to Uganda!)and I am excited at being able to be a part of something going on there already that fits in so beautifully with where I'm at in life at the moment.

I was going to copy and paste the info about the homes for the babies that was already written out to promote these baby showers but the computer wont let me do it whch is very frustrating!! Basically they are opening 2 new homes for babies in Uganda this year, one up North in Gulu and one further south. The babies that come into their care have mostly been abandoned and are found on doorsteps, in rubbish dumps and even in pit latrines!! I am so looking forward to meeting my baby soon and just the thought of these precious little ones with no-one to love them breaks my heart! This is not just a chance to help with physical needs for these babies but to also pray for them and to celebrate their lives and show that they are not forgotten by God!

So the plan is to try and tell as many people as I can and collect gifts over the next few weeks rather than host an actual shower on a specific date which to be honest I don't think I have the energy for right now. They need pretty much everything and there is a specific list of what they need and some things require specific brands or colours because of conditions over there. Everything needs to be collected before June 30th (I'll need it before then in order to get it all to the church by that date) and they are asking each baby shower to give $100 towards the shipping costs, so I am asking people to put $5 with their gift to help towards that. Everything needs to be brand new and in its packaging.

If you would like to help out then please email me at carolyn075@bigpond.com and I can send you an email with the registry list attached. I hope you can help me bless these precious little ones as I get ready to welcome my own little one into the world :-)

Lovely days of play!!!

I am so enjoying my little girl right now!! She has all of a sudden emerged into a toddler who just loves to play and learn and we have so much fun together. She is saying quite a few words now, her favourite being 'gone' as she hides something or throws it off the highchair and it comes complete with the hand gesture to go with it. She loves to explore and climb which has given me a fright on various occaisons, epecially when she climbs up on the lounge then proceeds to try and dive onto the next lounge, all the time thinking it's very funny as mummy runs to catch her.

She has gotten very fond of being outside and yesterday discovered some flowers to smell.

She LOVES music and has the cutest dance moves, she bounces up and down but she also does a side to side bum wiggle at the same time that is hilarious. She loves watching Hi 5 and dancing to their music too and always claps when I put it on.

She has also recently become fond of carrying this dolly around with her and cuddling it. When you press it's tummy it says 'I love you' and does a kissing noise and it always makes her laugh.

She is getting the hang of riding her horsey and especially loves the noises and music it makes, you can see the very cheeky face with the tongue poking out, she very much takes after daddy in the cheekiness department :-)

She can now stack all her rings and will give herself a big clap when she's done.

and she loves building and stacking with these boxes, and of course then knocking them down.

We have our pretend cups of tea together....

and she is starting to try and put the shapes in the right holes. She got one right by herself today and was very, very proud!!! She also loves books just like mummy and Jaden, although as well as reading them she also likes to eat them and we have many board books with chewed corners, we also have quite a collection now of flaps that need to be taped back onto various books.

My little Bethany is just such a delight and I am really looking forward to having a few weeks with Jaden at school before the baby comes to just spend time with my bubba girl before my time has to be split with another precious little one.

Easter fun :-)

This is an update of my HUGE belly at 33 weeks.

While we spent time over Easter remembering Jesus' sacrifice for us and attending church services, we also enjoyed some special fun family time. It was really nice having Brett home for 4 days and creating some special family memories after the stressful couple of weeks we had just had before. On Easter saturday we went to the show. Bethany had never seen any farm animals before and was intruiged by it all, she has also started saying 'moo' which is so very cute!

Jaden also had fun on some rides. He wanted to go on the bigger extreme ones but Iwasn't convinced he was ready for those yet, so the smaller versions had to do!

Bethany did really well and had a couple of sleeps in the pram, this elmo balloon kept her very amused :-)

Easter sunday we did the traditional egg hunt with Jaden, and Bethany got to try her very first Easter egg.

We only gave her a very small piece to eat and will just give her little bits over a few days, but she was very impressed with chocolate :-)