The Lord's house!

This is me yesterday, at 25 1/2 weeks and feeling very tired!!! Looking back at belly photos with Bethany I wasn't this size until about 10 weeks later, so either my stomach has just stretched heaps because it just did this last year and never got a chance to recover in between, or this bub is bigger, either way I am starting to feel big, tired and unable to do as much anymore!

We had a great week last week but this week I feel like I have crashed and burned a little. I have been feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and like I have too much on my plate. I have already made plans to step back from all other ministry other than family after term 1, but I've been feeling like I may not last that long! Bethany had been sleeping through the night most of the time but for the past 6 nights in a row has decided she wants a bottle during the night again, which wasn't a big issue before, but at the moment I'm finding that really draining, especially nights like last night when she took a while to resettle then the bub inside started doing aerobics and it was 2 hours later before I got back to sleep :-(

I'm also finding Bethany a lot more work during the day now. She is turning into a true toddler with attitude and is into everything and needs constant amusement and isn't sleeping as much during the day anymore. All of this is perfectly normal but I am finding myself totally worn out by the end of the day, especially trying to juggle schoolwork around her (haven't even bothered trying to juggle housework, but will have to get to that at some point!).

The last 2 mornings as I have sat with God and told him how overwhelmed I feel He has led me to verses about the house belonging to God. Yesterday was in 2 Samuel 7 about God blessing the house of His servant, then today I had one of my old Bible college memory verses stuck in my head from Psalm 127:1 "unless the Lord build the house they labour in vain that build it." (King James Version is how I remember it from college cause that's what we had to use). I think He is telling me that already I had lost focus on Him, that being tired is no reason to not spend time with Him, in face I need to do it more!!!! That He will give me the strength I need to do what He's asked of me, but I need to check with Him if it's what He's asked of me otherwise the 'labour' is in vain!!

There are things that God has asked of me that require some of my energy right now. The young women's home group I run which is starting back tonight is one of them. We meet fortnightly and that gives us 4 meetings this term which I feel is manageable and I love the girls, I had been worried though about stepping back at the end of the term and feeling like I was leaving them in the lurch, but someone approached me on Sunday and said God had laid it on their heart to take it over next term, yay!!! I love it when God just sorts it out :-)

The upcoming ladies camp is also something God has put on my heart, but God showed me I had let it become a burden instead of just resting in Him and letting Him lead me and I am feeling much more peaceful about that now. It's also worked out really well that I am not actually running anything once we get out there, the talks, the worship, the creative activities etc have all been put in others hands. I am the admin person and I am doing all the special touches of decorating etc before the ladies get there and for the special Sat night we have planned, but that's it, other than that I am free to just look after Bethany and enjoy the camp. This is such a relief cause the girls camp I did most of the talks etc and ran a small group plus all the admin and special touches and it was a lot of work, but God knows what I can handle right now and he has delegated to other capable hands, yay!!! :-)

There are other things I am organising over the next couple of months but they are family type things, like Bethany's birthday party, a friend's surprise baby shower, my own birthday etc, but I need to just simplify and ask for help when I need it.

What I can get rid of is lots of other busyness. This morning I rang and cancelled something I had on for tomorrow that I decided wasn't really important, and I have also cancelled Jaden's psycholgist appointment for this friday cause it would mean we were out nearly every day this week and I just can't do it, so I have decided to cut him back to monthly apointments as he is doing much better with what we have already implemented from the psychologist already and the expense is getting a bit much. That is one of the keys I think.... simplifiy, and ask God what is 'habit' and what is actually necessary, what can I let go and what do I need to devote my time and energy to???

If I want this to be His house then I need to listen to what He is saying and not make everyone in my house miserable because I have taken on too much and am tired and cranky!! I was also going to a ladies Bible study as well as playgroup during the week and I have cut out the ladies group for now, it clashes with something Jaden is booked into that starts in a couple of weeks anyway. It seemed strange to me that God would ask me to give up a Bible study but I can see that I have let those ladies become a crutch that I lean on and that God wants me to spend more time with just Him and me, so we will just be doing playgroup (the weeks it doesn't clash with some home schooling things we are doing up the mountains).

So that's where I'm at, learning to listen to God's voice, rest when I need it, say no when I need to and to focus even small daily decisions on God because this is His house and he knows what we need!!!