so.....

These very yummy cupcakes were made today by Jaden. I helped direct him a little bit but he mostly did it by himself. It was the first time I've let him use the hand beater so he was very excited!! It's actually a huge effort for him to help in the kitchen because of his tics. He is coughing and snorting and sniffing all the time so it's not terribly hygenic but he was very good at moving his face away, covering his mouth and then washing his hands, even though he had to do it many, mnay times and I'm sure it was annoying but he really wanted to do the cakes himself. I'll talk more about his tics in a minute, first a couple of catch up things....

This is my very clever 10 month old Bethany standing up all by herself. She is walking around the furniture now and walks if we hold her hands, she is itching to be able to do it by herself, probably so she can find more things to get into. She's a very active and curious little munchkin and is starting to show she has a very feisty redheaded temper too!!

This is our little crop of carrots. They were really yummy!!! I didn't peel any of them just washed them, some we ate raw and some cooked but they all tasted so nice, different to shop ones, just so much fresher!

Like we suspected we did plant some too close together so there were some 'snuggling' carrots LOL (made me think of your entwined carrot blog award Jillian).

Now I was going to talk about Jaden's tics....one of the main reasons I have been so concerned about sending him back to school. I can tell he has been anxious about going because his behaviour has gotten worse and so have his tics, to the point where it is literally happening all day, sometimes just non stop for 5 minutes in a row to the point where I think he really may be choking. He can't get through a sentence without it happening and eating oh my goodness, no way we could take him to eat in public right now, he can't help the tic and if he's just taken a bite food ends up everywhere!! I cannot for the life of me see how that would be coped with in a classroom by either the teacher or the kids and when he gets self conscious about it then it's even worse. This is on top of his aspergers which made school so hard for him to cope with before and I have been wondering why I would think that trying a 3rd school would be any different. So I have been doing some soul searching and spending lots of time with God to try and figure out what's going on in my head and what really is His best for Jaden.

Let me share some of what God has shown me. To start with I am learning to sit at His feet, even when I am busy, to dwell in God's presence during chores, to play worship music and focus on Him during the day, not new things, but things I have to admit I haven't been doing all that much lately. I am organising a women's camp for March this year and the focus God keeps giving us is to take time aside and sit with God and all the verses, songs etc God has given me for the camp I realised were not just for others but very much for me as well. I have let myself become overwhelmed and discouraged instead of resting in God for the strength I need for the tasks He has given me, especially being a mother.

These words from casting crowns have really spoken to me...."here at your feet, I lay this day down, not in my strength, but in yours I've found all I need, you're all I need. Jesus, Jesus at your feet, oh to dwell and never leave, Jesus, Jesus at your feet there is nowhere else for me... here at your feet I lay my future down, all of my dreams, I give to you now, and I find peace." I have been actively seeking God all throughout my day and have found more energy and peace, more enthusiasm and inspiration than I have had for months!!! I am still physically tired, but somehow energised by His Spirit and I have realised this is what I should have been doing all along but I somehow lost sight of God in the doldrums of daily life.

I was reading in Numbers this morning about the Israelites in the wilderness and when Moses made the bronze snake to save the people who had been grumbling against God, the devotion that went with the passage spoke right to my heart "if only they had trusted God's promise that he who had led would continue to lead, if only they had believed that he who had supplied would continue to supply, instead of being discouraged they would have been encouraged. Discouragement turn to encouragement when we look away from our circumstances and focus our eyes on the Lord"... duh, why had I forgotten that and gotten downhearted so easily. I heard the very same message on a dvd I watched a couple of days ago about Nick Vuijic who was born with no arms and legs and yet now sees God's purposes as he shares with people all around the world and doors open for him to minister in places no-one else could get into. It's not about the circumstances, or how hard it is, it's about focusing on God and His purposes for whatever it is he has called us to do in this life.

I realised that the lady who rang me and has a son with tourettes was definately a God-send but not for school resources, it was instead for social and emotional reasons, to be able to get in touch with a group of parents who live with tourettes is something I think I have really needed, and Jaden is looking forward to meeting other kids with tourettes. The thought of being able to be with other kids who wont think he's a freak and totally understand what he goes through will be amazing for him!!!

So I am going to keep home schooling and am actually now excited about our plans for the year, toddler, baby and all. Yes it will be hard but I know where to go for my strength!!! Jaden would not admit to me before how worried he was about school but when I spoke to him about it all today and told him we would keep home schooling he finally articulated how worried he had been about school, the poor boy has been a wreck and hopefully now he can calm down a bit! Thank you for your prayers and the encouraging words that some of you have shared with me on this journey, I have really needed them!!

So.... looks like I will still be an Aussie homeschool blogger after all :-)