Where things are at...

Hmmmmm where do I start.... well as you know I had a bit of a mini meltdown the other day, feeling totally overwhelmed, but that had been brewing for quite a few weeks and I would like to share where I've gone from there.

I have always been one to doubt my ability as a mother, having a child that doesn't fit in anywhere, needs medication just to cope with daily life, gets stared at in public etc etc makes one feel totally inadequate and like I have done something horribly wrong along the way. So I wasn't sure if my growing doubts about my ability to cope next year were just my own feelings of inadequacy rearing their ugly head again or maybe I was trying too hard in my own strength and forgetting to lean on God for His???? But it amazes me that even when I am so full of doubt I'm not sure if I can even hear God's voice, that He is always in control!!!

About 5 mins after I finished writing that post the other day the phone rang. I didn't know the lady on the other end, she was given my number by a child health nurse I took Bethany to last week. The nurse had heard Jaden's tic and we talked about his health isues while I was there and she asked if she could pass my number to a friend. So this lady rang me up and we had quite a long chat about life with a special needs kid. Her son also has tourettes and has had a lot of trouble with school. She meets with other mums from the tourettes association and the kids get together for social stuff as well (which has of course all finished for the year but will be great next year), but what was even more helpful was the info she gave me on resources for schools, she has a DVD and book that are specifically designed for teachers to watch and to share with the class so that they understand tourettes.

Why is this so fabulous to me??? Because my main concern about sending Jaden back to school was once again dealing with ignornace in staff that have no idea about aspergers or tourettes and I wasn't aware of such resources before. I have also been informed by Jaden's psychologist that they are more than happy to work with the school in whatever ways are needed to help him as well. So I took a deep breath and called the school up the road to go check it out and see what I thought.

I have only ever heard people say they don't want to send their kids there, so was quite worried, but have realised that the issue people have is the fact that this suburb has a large proportion of dept of housing homes and it's people from 'these' families that they didn't want their kids with. I wondered how self righteous that made me accepting ideas like that from others when I'd never even learnt anything about the school for myself, especially since we live in this suburb, so do I want to be judging everyone around me????

I discovered that the principal is really lovely and actually knows her stuff about aspergers which makes a nice change, and I was quite impressed with what she explained about how the school runs. I was also very excited to find out that the behaviour support teacher who worked with Jaden at a previous public school is actually based at this school and he remembered Jaden and said he thinks the new school would be a good fit for him. So I went up to the school and met the principal and looked around and felt quite ok about it. I wasn't sure how Jaden would feel about the prospect of yet another school (he's been to 2 plus the home schooling), but he was excited that it's just up the road so he could walk there and make some local friends and he was so relieved that he will be seeing his other support teacher again cause he worked really well with him.

I took home the forms and have spent the last couple of days doing lots of praying and seeking God's direction on this and am really feeling at peace about dropping these forms back in on Monday before we go away to enrol Jaden in school. I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders and have been asking God why it felt like a burden when it seemed so right before and I really thought it was a direction from Him, and once again, as in many other times in my life I sensed God saying it's all about timing. Jaden was in desperate need of nurturing when I brought him home for school. He was struggling with school, plus he had been through a lot of change at home as well. He was dealing the having a new sibling after almost 10 years of being an only child and we had recently moved house as well. He needed to know where he fit in the new family dynamic and that mummy still had time for him.

The past 6 months have been a healing time I think. Jaden has been making progress seeing the child psychologist and it has helped us a lot as a family as well, plus he's had time to just hang out with me and his new sister and it's been really special, but the time for this season is over. Of course he still needs mummy time and nurturing, but the bubbas need my focus during the day now, just like he had when he was little too. So I think home schooling for next year felt like such a huge burden because it wasn't mine to carry anymore.

I struggled for the first couple of months after Bethany was born and was worried for a while that I was heading down the path of post natal depression. This time around I will have a very active 14 month old on top of that and I know that school can't fit on top of that for me, I know my limits and so does God. I know the timing of that helpful phone call was no coinidence, and the fact that one of the most amazing support staff who has ever worked with Jaden is based there and already excited about working with him again has to be a God thing. At first I wondered if only home schooling for 6 months meant I was a failure or a coward, but deep down I know that's not true. Jaden is an incredibly challenging child and being with him 24/7 for 6 months is definately not the work of a coward LOL

So that's where we're at. I guess once he is offically enrolled and starts next year that I wont be a homeschool blogger anymore but I hope that doesn't mean I can't still be part of the home school blogging world as I have loved this online community and have been encouraged, inspired, challenged and often amused by reading all your blogs and have enjoyed getting to know some fabulous ladies :-)