In ALL things!!!

I'm on a bit of an emotional roller coaster at the moment and am prone to crying at random times without much provocation, but at the same time I am also peaceful and doing ok as weird as that sounds. I saw the OB yesterday and he sent me off for a hormone blood test and am having another ultrasound today then I go back to see him next Wed. He was surprised I hadn't had any bleeding and so now I am paranoid every time I go to the toilet that I'm going to find blood and I have been feeling really scared that we would lose the other baby.

But God has been very gentle with me and last night I sat and journalled for a while and was reflecting on Romans 8:28 that "ALL things" work together for good, not just the things that I think are good, but all things are in God's hands. I could get angry at God and turn away from Him, but what would that achieve... I would be alone, bitter, miserable and still have lost a baby, but when I turn to God I find comfort and peace, I don't find answers, cause He is God and there will always be things He allows that I don't understand, but I find a gentle hand holding mine, arms of peace surrounding me, and a loving Father who is cradling my little bubba in His arms.

I have been praying lots for the living baby too, not just to stay healthy and strong, but to know God's peace in there and not feel sad and lonely now that they have lost their little twin. I can't help but be sad at not ever getting to meet this little one in this world and that our dream of twins growing up together isn't gonna happen, but I am also so thankful for the little life still growing in there and know how blessed I am to be having another bubba, especially so soon after the last one, when so many others are waiting and longing, just like I used to be, for a little miracle from God. I don't want to take the miracle of life for granted, and yes it is a miracle, when statistically 1 in 4 pregnancies don't make it, and why should I be immune from that sadness when I have watched so many others go through it and grieved the loss of 2 nieces or nephews as well as the babies of many friends.

So despite the sadness there is also joy, despite not understanding God's ways I know He is a good God who loves me and is there for me and I know that I will be ok in His arms and will get to meet my little one in heaven where they're probably busy playing with their 2 little cousins. I know my God and I will trust Him that ALL things, even this, will work together for good!