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Summer 2021
4 years ago
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Blending people!
I am the child of a 'blended' family so you think I would have some insight into how to make things a little smoother in my own house, but alas I find that my own childhood makes it harder to be level headed about family dramas because it pushes all my own buttons. My hubby works long hours and comes home to Jaden's unmedicated time of the day and things always descend into chaos. My little boy was very sad at bedtime tonight feeling like daddy just always picks on him and I get so upset by that. I have talked to both of them about how they treat each other and their relationship, but sometimes I feel like I'm just banging my head against a brick wall and am a referee here. How on earth do you truly blend people into a family??????
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6 comments:
It might be just a case of dads relating to sons rather than purely blended families. We had four girls in a row before our first son was born. My husband is so much softer with the girls than with our sons. I get so upset by it sometimes but then I realized that I am softer on the boys for some reason. With the girls I 'understand' their moods and have little time or patience with them but with the boys I seem to be constantly trying to appease them!!
As for blended families, don't you just love it! Each birthday and christmas in our home is 'interesting' to say the least, trying to accomodate my mother and her new husband with my dad and his new girlfriend.....AHHHHH
Hey, I followed your blog from A modern Essene! I do know what your talking about, I saw the same thing in my family! Pray...that's all I know that works!
Cheers, Sarah xxx
Hey Carolyn :)
I have wanted to post a reply here for days but havent had a chance.
As you are well aware, we are also a 'blended' family. I too get upset by the seemingly harsh way that K can react to L. I dont have lots of answers, but wanted to share what I have learned : firstly, I pray so so so much before I say anything to K about things. I have learnt to not bring things up in front of L but to do it in private.
Secondly I have learnt to be really gentle with the way I talk to K about it and what I say. Speaking in anger or harshly just gets his back up as then he feels rejected.
Thirdly I have learnt that sometimes L needs a harsher punishment and that that is part of his role as her dad. As the mum I am the gentler and softer nurturer and sometimes even though I may think it is harsh, it is exactly what she needs and thankfully he is there to do it, not me!
And fourthly, a BIG thing for us is me learning to be a submissive wife. Instead of 'enabling' L to feel bad when K disciplines her, we talk about how daddy is the head of the house and how in the end its his word that goes. This can be hard for me but it is not enabling her to always be the 'victim' and to also learn that parents are there for a reason and she is not the one in charge. It also helps her to see mummm and daddy are united (even if behind closed doors we have a big discussion about it)
I know you probably do all these already and I know our circumstances are not quite the same due to Jaden's aspergers, ADHD and tourettes, but I just wanted to share a little of my heart with you.
Blending is not always easy and it can get tiresome to be 'in the middle'. I will continue to pray for you guys esp with new additions coming :)
Luv to you
Donna
Yep, lots of praying!!! It's not always bad, just gets a little disheartening on the tough days. Donna that's all very good advice that I already try to do. I think the hardest part here is Brett getting his head around what Jaden is actually capable of and that a lot of what he considers 'naughty' is stuff that Jaden isn't deliberatly doing, it's just part of how he's wired. The psycholigist has offered to have a session with Brett cause he misses out on a lot of the info I get and I never seem to be able to get it across properly, so I'm thinking that may be a good idea!!
Thanks for the enouragement ladies :-)
Oh good! Sometimes I think it helps when it comes from 'someone' else! It will prob help Brett a lot to hear it from a professionals mouth, makes it more real sometimes. Hope it goes well!
Luv Donna
By the way hello Sarah and welcome to my blog, I'll have to make my way over to your blog and get to know you :-)
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